Dealing with disputes in church

by Allen Sonter

We don't live in a perfect world-or church. From time to time, situations arise in which one or more individuals seem intent on attacking the church, its leadership, or some family or individual in the church. What should we do as a church-or as individual members-about such a situation?

It is unusual for anyone associated with the church to set out to deliberately destroy it. It is much more likely that those who appear to be damaging the church actually believe they are trying to improve it by cleansing it of hypocrites or heretics, or by pointing out things they see as wrong that need correction.

So the first thing we must remember in attempting to deal with such individuals is that they do not see themselves as a threat to the church but rather, as reformers. They believe that if the church would listen to them and cooperate with them, it would be a better place. Even though their activities flow from their judgment of others in the church, they accuse the church of unfairly judging them-and are quick to point out that the Bible admonishes us not to judge (see Luke 6:37).

We are judging another when we attribute a particular motive to that person's actions. This is why Jesus tells us not to judge. We do not know the motive for someone else's behaviour, so we have no right to assume a bad motive.

But we are not judging when we simply report someone's actions, though it might not be a Christian thing to do unless it is done in love. When we see an action that casts a person in a bad light or will cause trouble in the church, we should seek the direction of the Holy Spirit. If He presents an opportunity, go to the person involved and ask them kindly why they have acted that way.

The person can then explain the situation or give reasons for their actions, and you can express your concerns-if you still have any. If you come to some understanding or agreement, there may be no further problem. If you cannot come to an agreement, you can pray together for the Lord to indicate what steps you should take. If no solution is found within a reasonable period of time, the Bible counsels that other individuals-possibly mutually-respected friends or church leaders-should be involved. If all else fails, the matter can be taken to the church for resolution (see Matthew 18:15-17).

Anyone else in the church who is concerned about the person's actions should also follow the Bible's counsel in dealing with the individual-much prayer and no unnecessary publicising of the situation.

When a situation is publicised, it is often made worse when members become suspicious of the "guilty" persons and cease to communicate with them. Poor communication
means poor understanding, which in turn leads to mistrust, suspicion and avoidance. People take sides, make judgments, become hardened in their views and refuse to admit they might be wrong.

Accusations lead to defensiveness. People stop listening, hearing only what they want to hear. Reports become inaccurate, people are accused of lying and the downward spiral accelerates.

But can such a spiral be reversed? We need to pray earnestly for the moving of the Holy Spirit within our church community. Only the Spirit of God can turn the situation around. In our human wisdom, we are likely to make the situation worse. What we need to do is what the Bible tells us to:

1. All judging must stop and we must all pray earnestly for God to intervene. Comments should focus on how we canre-open healthy discussion between those with differing views.

2. All accusations must stop-from both sides. The aim must be to give each side the opportunity to explain their position, and to give reasons and evidence for their point of view. All must be willing to seek forgiveness for unchristian behaviour.

The Bible makes it clear that whether I have something against someone else, or whether someone else has something against me, I must initiate the process of putting things right (see Matthew 5:23 and 18:15).

3. Jesus said that if a dispute gets to the point where the whole church becomes involved, because individuals or smaller groups are unable to produce a solution, the decision of the church body is to be accepted by both parties. If an individual does not accept the decision of the church, they are to be treated as one who does not yet know the Lord, in need of spiritual help (see Matthew 18:17).

If we follow these steps, it will be possible for each of us to work together for the advancement of the kingdom of heaven and our church will move forward under the power of the Holy Spirit. We need to uphold one another before God, because we are all tempted. Satan is at war with the church, so He will never leave us without challenging the genuineness of our faith.

Go to the Word, seek God in prayer, uphold one another before God and take His love to the world.

Allen Sonter writes from Toowoomba, Queensland

This has been a feature from Record, August 1, 2009

Back to Life.