Seven principles for making marriage work

Review by Trafford Fischer

John Gottman drops a bombshell in the marital therapy arena when he suggests the following: "Perhaps the biggest myth of all is that communication - and more specifically, learning to resolve your conflicts - is the royal road to romance and an enduring, happy marriage. . . . The message you will get is pretty uniform: learn to communicate better. The problem is that it doesn't work!"

The wide range of marital therapies based on conflict resolution share a very high relapse rate. In fact, the best of this type of marital therapy, conducted by Neil Jacobson Ph.D., of the University of Washington, has only a 35% success rate. A year later, less than half that group - or just 18% of all couples who entered therapy, retain these benefits.

Active listening asks couples to perform Olympic-level emotional gymnastics when their relationship can barely walk.

Gottman suggests better ways to sort through our differences and deal with conflict issues. Grab a copy of his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. You'll find it an excellent read!

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
John M. Gottman and Nan Silver